Hi it’s me again. It’s been a long time coming. But I need to be back. Things got better. I don’t like change but I finally got to a place that I had been wanting for SO long. I did it. I made it. I felt the weight off my shoulders. I looked out the door and saw the full green trees and felt the metaphor I had been waiting for. I went from the empty tree and feeling of constant drowning to a full blown tree and fresh air. And then I remembered that the repetitive cycle would be coming soon. Starting with Halloween. The beginning of the hurt. The last holiday as a “family”. Then the remaining of the rest of the holidays are reminded of the brokenness. The giant lump in my throat barely being able to swallow and pain in my chest making it hard to breathe comeback. One year I hope things will change. But after 8 years the pain floods back like it was yesterday.