So I have finally made my first post on today (Friday January 10th) which some may be confused which is understandable. You see the post, my “first” post that is, I actually wrote earlier this week. I never meant it to be like that but here I am. My vulnerability, guard let down, confidence at a low and a high. You get it. Whoever is reading this that is. Anyone who came back to my story. I have posted my first thing today and I have been SO torn. Torn between letting people know how I feel and then being concerned and also my family reading this and wondering things I can’t even fathom. “What could I have done different, does she realize what I went through, I just tied to survive, and it wasn’t even that bad.” You see these are just basic things that run through my head. It’s so unfortunate. When I had written my first post I was clear minded and that’s how I wanted to be. Here I am 3 days later and I’m not necessarily happy that I’m the opposite but I hit that path again. And I’m sorry to those who read my first post and high hopes but I’m being honest. And with that I don’t want to lie or try to glorify anything. It is a Friday night and I’m completely alone, which I’m fine with. I am content with being alone. In fact I prefer it because I don’t want the expectations of others. The let down of not “doing the right thing”. The fact of having to “socialize”. What does socialize even mean anymore??? With girls it just seems so fucking catty. And with guys? Haha, who’s life is the best! But in reality it’s all just a lie. Everything is a lie… That’s just my opinion anyway. I think this post has just gone on too long and is all over the map so this is where I’m going to end it. If you have stuck this far I appreciate you. My goal isn’t to complain, brag, or glorify anything. I just hope to bring others reassurance that they are not alone.